My dear vine friends. I'll be opening my new business on the 15th of this month. The name will be, (drum roll please)
Little Thunder's Cigar, Book Store and Fry Bread Shop.
I just received my Cigar Store White Guy (hey, turnabout is fair play) and I have a very prominent place for him outside in the snow and cold.
I received my first supply of books. I expect ''Arrow in my Shirt'' by G.A. Custer to be a big seller along with Alcoholism in the Non-Indian community. Another hot seller will be ''Become an Indian and don't pay taxes''. On the non fiction side, I've already received requests for ''Are Indians really Red, or the First Rednecks.''
I applied to the SBA for a loan to get my business started. I got it and don't have to pay it back, ain't America grand! Something about a minority owned business, your tax dollars at work.
My Uncle, Bernie Who-Walks-The-Horse, will be handling the Fry Bread. Bernie, an expert in this, has developed BBQ Fry Bread, we do live in the south. Well almost, and in Missouri BBQ is a religion. My Blood Brother, Enoch is sending a gross of Kosher Winnebagels to add to our somewhat limited menu.
For our Grand Opening we were going to have a Pow Wow, with Fancy Dancers (a couple of make believe Indians from Dancing with the Stars or Victoria's Secret). I was going to do my always popular ''Down Home Stomp Dance''. We'll have RezDogs, with Wiki the Warrior Wonder Wiener and Annie the Orphan there doing their thing. At the last minute I've decided to add a ''Square Dance''...I don't understand the meaning of the Square Dance, but thought that I should open it up to white minorities as well. Being a good neighbor and all that.
Just yesterday, Robert Redford contacted me to see if I would be willing to hold a ''Sundance Festival'' with movies from the non-Indian community. They are given so little coverage that Robert thought that it would be a good thing for race relations to include them, even if in a minor way. One of the movies will be ''I lost my scalp at an Indian Casino''. Staring Adam Beach as a broke white guy. Co-staring Johnny Depp as Adams side kick, Tone-Deaf.
All my rellies will be there, they number around 500 or so at last count and will be from as far away as next door. Remember we are all related and I can't leave out any rellies. Sleeping arrangements are pending.
I have notified the local sheriff's office that they may see a lot of cars and trucks that look strange to them. Rez cars and truck are a whole different breed (pun intended). A dream catcher hanging from the rear view mirror. One headlight out, each door a different color, Red Power spray painted on the side, and at least 20 years old.
I have been told that white people can't dance. I don't know that for sure, it may be a stereotype but to cover all the bases I'm giving away to the first 25 white people a copy of my book. Dance the Indian way, Drum and Stomp. The first non native group to do this was the Isley Brothers and they called it ''Jump and Shout''..
My new business wil be a Ozone free establishment, catering to people of all colors. So make your plans to be here on the 15th.
Just a little satire for your News Year eve.
Kavika, All rights reserved 2012.
CoH will apply as wil the 3 B's. Be respectful. Be on-topic or BE GONE.