Rumors have been flying around Washington D.C. that secret meetings have been taking place in the West Wing. President Obama, VP Joe Biden and a few select advisers, (Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright) have not been seen for almost 30 minutes.

Unconfirmed reports from unauthorized whistle blowers have confirmed that the President will address the American public tomorrow,Septober 32nd with the following announcement.

1. He plans on giving back the Louisiana Purchase to the French in exchange for unlimited supply of truffles and champagne.

2. He is in discussions with Vlad Putin to return Alaska to Russia in exchange for caviar for life for the West Wing.

3. He is currently in discussion with American Indian tribes for them to re-purchase Manhattan for $24 worth of chips at one of their casino's.

4.He plans on annexing Kenya as our 51st state. VP Biden is using his abacus to actually determine how many states we will be left with.

5. He plans on taking all guns away from everyone, in turn they will be issued bow and arrows and Tomahawks for self defense.

6. He plans on invading Canada, it will be used as a winter retreat for the First Family.

7. He will declare an official War on Christmas and a War on Religion.  

Our intrepid reporter will be meeting Smoking Ass (formally know as Deep Throat) to get more unsubstantiated rumors to drive the right wing ideologues crazy.

Concerned citizens, we must act before our country is taken back from the socialist President.